


You and I Potter

by doaflipspiderman



Category: The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, worried Boris Pavlikovsky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24254560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doaflipspiderman/pseuds/doaflipspiderman
Summary: Taken place in the hotel room in Amsterdam right after Theo tries to kill himself
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky, Worried Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	You and I Potter

I had just come from the bathroom after throwing up everything in my system. I was confused and scared and I just wanted Boris. That’s what I decided. The only person that could make my life so messy and so beautiful at the same time. The only person that I truly felt alive with in all the worst and best ways possible. I don’t know how I could live without him. 

As if my silent prayers were answered my hotel phone rings and the man at the front desk warns me of someone coming up. Boris. Please be Boris. I think, wiping the sweat from my forehead. 

The knock at the door sounds and I open it to be greeted with Boris rambling to me about not answering his calls or something. 

He was here. 

And I was here. 

“Potter you don’t look good.” Boris says as he sits on the bed and picks at the full breakfast I hadn’t even touched. “Come eat,” he says waving a hand ushering me over. “Make you feel better.” He says with a mouth full of food. 

My feet are still glued to the ground. Of course Boris showed up right at this moment. It was so Boris of him. My last meal, interrupted. Maybe it was fate. Who am I kidding. This was what I wanted but now that it’s happening I don’t know what I want. 

“I need to take a piss” I say as I walk over to the bathroom again to collect myself. 

After a moment of splashing cold water on my face and staring at my reflection in the mirror I go back into the room. 

“Potter, what is this?” Boris says holding my letter to Hobie. His mouth is pressed in a straight line and he’s standing up, ready for confrontation. 

Myself on the other hand, am still shaky and queasy from the recent events. I was not prepared for this. Of all the deep conversations him and I had shared growing up, suicide was not one we delved into. Sure, it was mentioned casually in our troubled childhood, drunkenly and jokingly as we stayed underwater a little too long or drank way too much vodka. But never seriously.

“It’s...it’s nothing” I stutter sitting down on the edge of the bed, gripping the sheets with my shaking hands. 

“You were going to do it.” Boris states firmly looking almost hurt. “You were going to do it right before I showed up. Am I correct?” He asks. “Potter answer me!” He says a little more firmly, shaking the note in his hand. 

I can’t bear to look at it. I can’t bear to look at him. “No, Boris I was just, it was just,” 

“Where are the drugs I gave you.” Boris says setting the note down and walking up to me. 

“I took them.” I say quietly looking down at my bare feet and his boots so close together. 

“All of them?” Boris squeaks out almost fearfully. 

I look up at him and have never seen that look on his face. His lips are turned downward and his brow is furrowed, but what really gets me are his eyes. They have so much worry and care in them. He feels at fault. I can tell. 

“We need to go to hospital. Pump your stomach. You are unwell, you can’t die. I won’t have it.” Boris says manically rushing around the room to grab my shoes and coat for me. 

“I threw them up.” I say shaking my head to let him know they’re not in my system anymore. “It was...a mistake.” I say even though I’m not sure I believe it. 

Boris drops my belongings back to the ground as he looks at me. 

“All my fault. It was because of me. Because of the things you had to do because of me.” Boris says running his hands through his hair pulling on it as he paces around the room for a minute. “I try to make it better but I make it worse.” He’s rambling to himself now. “I just want to make you happy.” He says letting his hands fall down by his side looking defeated. 

I’m staring at the carpet. Watching the patterns as they go in and out of focus as I try and zone out. Try and be anywhere but in this small hotel room with Boris. 

“Potter, look at me.” I still don’t. “Theo.” He says softly. 

He never calls me Theo. 

I look now. 

Boris is right in front of me again. He cups my face with both of his hands. 

“I don’t want you to die...I…” for once Boris is at a loss for words. “I’m here now. I take care of you.” He chokes out. 

Tears are leaking out of the corner of my eyes. He quickly wipes them away with his thumbs. 

“I do whatever you want. You want me to stay, I stay. You want me to leave, I leave. But...but...you can’t leave. I want you to have good life. Please Theo.” He says softly in a voice I’ve only heard as a child when I’d wake up from a nightmare next to him. “Tell me what you want.” He says tenderly brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. 

“I...I want you to stay.” I whisper letting my head fall forward against his stomach.

“Ok.” Boris says carding a hand through my hair. “I stay.” He lets his hand rest on the back of my head holding me close against him as I start to relax. 

“You and me Potter.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in The Goldfinch fandom. I love Theo and Boris so much they deserve all the love in the world. Pls let me know what you think and thanks for reading :)


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